Thursday, September 15, 2011

Life Is Too Short For This Much Stress

Ever have so much stress you think you're having a heart attack? Ever live in such stress that you don't realize it really is stress???
Early on when GP was a little boy and he was diagnosed with Autism I lived in such a state. It was a time of terrible, terrible stress. It was living and breathing autism, coping with the tantrums, staying up late finding out what the heck this Autism was doing and would do to him. It was the way my life and my son's future had been snatched from right under us and I refused to just "take it". It was a HARD fight for many years of "silence" and fighting to change opinions from "He'll never do XXXX" to "Wow, that's great progress".
The thing is, when you live in that state of stress, your brain shuts it off. You just move from one task to the next and you literally forget you are stressed out. You're cranky, you're tired, you're sad...but you have more important things to worry about than yourself, so you move on.
Then, one day, you have this pain. This pain that won't quit, and you self medicate, and it goes away...but then it comes back; with a vengeance. The more you ignore it, the more severe it becomes until one day your mind CLICKS and tells you, "Oh, sh**! I think I'm having a heart attack!" And you're not even forty! How the hell does that happen??? Easy, it's called STRESS!
I went to the emergency room a few times (better safe than dead is what I say), and each time was told "You have to take it easy. You have too much stress" I swear, when a stranger who knew nothing, nothing about me or my life other than I was a "female presenting with chest and back pain who has difficulty moving her right arm" told me I had too much stress I KNEW it was bad.... the last guy sent me home without even a prescription. He said take tylenol, aspirin and REST. He obviously did not know I had a five year old autistic child who could not speak, was not potty trained and was screeching all the time. Easy for him to say!
Anyway, I started to pay attention to my body and what it was saying because the only thing worse than a stressed out mom is a dead one so I bought Tylenol in the Family size and when my body said stop, I would pretend I did not notice my house was falling apart, my son was screeching and would take to the road. GP would nap, and I would "breathe"... and so I survived. It wasn't the day at the spa the MD suggested but it was the best I could do with what I had. =)
Last night my body told me again that I needed to breathe. With craziness at home, homeschooling now in progress and a day of nothing but stress, my right arm started hurting early in the morning, I ignored it and by midnight my chest and back were in a vice. It had been so long since my body reminded me that stress is no joke. I found myself climbing up to bed and reminding myself that rest is not "optional", and praying that I would sleep and recover.
Today my body aches and I am recovering, but well aware that "I have been warned".
I hope that if your body is telling you to BREATHE, you heed the signs and quit while you're ahead. Trying to keep up with your life is important but of you're dead, does it really matter??? Probably not. Today I will ignore the laundry, and will not dress the bed. I will homeschool my son, fill some orders, go to the PO and.... oh yeah, that's my stress free list. You should see the other one. LOL! Take it easy today.

13 comments:

Marie said...

Thanks for reminding me Brenda that we all do have too much stress and need to l isten!! Please take care of YOU , YOU are important to us!!!! HUgs, Marie

Rocking Chair Stitches said...

I LOVE YOU

Barb said...

Oh my gosh....you take care of yourself....you need a friend .... you need a hug...sending you one!!! Feel it???

WoolenSails said...

LOL, you sound like me. My taking it easy just means I do 50% instead of 110%, haha. I can't just sit still, that is more stress to me. You do need to take time for yourself though and a spa is a good idea. I have a high heart history in my family, so I keep my weight down and work out in the pool. Now if I can get through the lyme treatment and get better, I will do that again;)

Debbie

Terry said...

I've been in the ER twice thinking it was my heart, and thank goodness it wasn't. We sure do need to slow down and relax more. Now if only I knew how to do that! LOL Take care of yourself Brenda!

Jani said...

I have a 6 year old with Autism and though he is higher functioning I feel like I could have written this post. I am fairly certain that I have written it a time or two in fact. I am definitely in the realm of stress just being normal. I have to try and remind myself to just stop sometimes. Thank you for this post. You definitely aren't alone.

mr vancouver said...

Agree to this article, just like the old saying "Live your life to the fullest and live like it is your last day here in earth.

LibbiesHome said...

You are an amazing woman! I wish I had the magic answer for dealing with stress, but I just wanted you to know that I am going to be keeping you in prayer. I'm glad you vented here - you are helping so many with the reminder to stop and breathe. Blessings to you and yours.

julieQ said...

I am telling you...I know that stress is an awful thing...but be careful too...I don't like the sounds of your chest in a vice...classic angina symptoms...just a hug from a worrying nurse...

Jenny said...

Oh Brenda. I'm so sorry. What a terrible and fearful thing. Have you tried breathing techniques? Supplements? Acupuncture?

I'm worried about you.

Can I help?

Anonymous said...

Take care of yourself! Life is too short to be so stressed. Remember to take time for you and your passions.

Susan At Glen Oaks Primitives said...

Hi, Brenda, it's nice to meet you. I'm so sorry that you have so much to deal with everyday. I pray that you find a balance and can take care of your needs.
I am now following your blog.
It looks like you have lots of caring friends out here. I will join them.
Warm Regards,
Susan

Jeanne said...

I feel for you. I have been on medication for anxiety for a few years. And I too went to the ER thinking I was having a heart attack. I went back quite a few times until they realized I have panic attacks and put me on the meds. Well, we all self diagnose and I think I am in a depression. I lost my job a couple of years ago and couldn't find another in this small town so I quit looking and stayed at home. I'm home all the time. It takes 1/2 hour to drive to town to go grocery shopping and I do that once a week. I don't see anyone. I'm pretty much on my own. My husband works for the railroad as a conductor and is on call and gone for 2-3 days at a time and then home for one and back to work he goes. I quilt. I love/hate quilting. The hate part comes from "that's all I have to do everyday". I get on the computer and blog hop. I'll spend half the day reading everyone's blogs. I feel good while I'm reading them, but when I emerge from the computer room, I'm loaded with anxiety about spending too much time on the computer.
I hope you find your dream home soon. Maybe if you rearrange your living room, you'll feel a little better. That helps me. Makes me feel like something new is in my life. But I need to get out of this depression. I don't know how. I don't know which is worse...the panic attacks/anxiety or depression. My poor husband feels bad he's gone so much, but nothing we can do about that. Wish I had a friend I could go to coffee with. I don't even have a friend around me. That is so depressing. I need a gal pal to share with. Do you have gal pals you can go have coffee with and get away from life? Jeanne...my blog is www.mylifeasaquilter.blogspot.com. I have only 8 followers (depressing, ha ha) and I'm waiting for my new camera so I can take pics that look decent. I've been using my cell phone camera and it doesn't cut it. Well, I'll pray for you and send good vibes your way. It's good that you can share your story with others. You are not alone (even though I FEEL totally alone). Well, off to quilt (ugh).