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One day, not long ago, it hit me that I had lived in this house for almost a year and my life was "on hold". I found myself in a "holding" pattern that I am sure is not unique to me, but to many people in recovery. It's that state when you live your life waiting for the other shoe to drop...
and it's mentally exhausting.
The last couple of years have been challenging, to say the least. It seemed like I had the worst case of growing pains in history, but somehow I managed to hang on and come out on the other side. I can only explain it as a a white water rapids kind of ride... you hang on while the water beats the crap out of your vessel, you might even fall out, but you climb back in and ride it to the end where the pool is usually calm and you just stay in the raft pondering, in amazement,... did that all really happen? Am I OK? My ride was so long and hard that its taken me a year to realize it's time to get out of the raft. But how scary is that? Will my legs hold me or will my knees buckle?
I have a long tale to tell but I will have to share it a little bit at a time. For now I just wanted to say Thank You to those who have helped me along the way. For those who believed that I would eventually get out of the raft and step on dry land. You know who you are... thanks for believing in me.
Now it's time to stop planning and start living in this "no longer new" house.
7/23/2013
9 comments:
I went through something back in 2001--and 2003 was my turning point--it wasn't easy being a single mom, making a change to move across the country, reopening my business in a community I knew so little about--but starting over allowed me to meet a man who cared, helped me raise my youngest 2, and loves and worries about all my children like they were his own--and now I'm starting a new chapter in my life--so excited, but scared, as I'm no longer in my comfort zone--YEAH FOR LIVING!!!!
I think we have all at some point in our lives been through something so difficult, so painful, and thought we were the only ones.I can honestly say it is liberating to finally step out of the boat and live. Its like all the chains and the blindfold that has kept you hostage in that vessel for so long have lost their grip and you can see you have survived and you are still yourself but stronger and wiser too. One day you will be able to pass on this new found wisdom. God bless.
I am very proud of you. Moving forward is always scary.
Not sure what you went through, but you did it, good for you. You will be a stronger person for it. Blessings to you.
I know exactly where you're coming from on the on hold thing - I've felt like that for a couple of years. I keep saying if only I could this and if only I could that and meanwhile I'm not getting any younger. Thanks for the reminder that I need to start living again too! Hugs to you!
Moving forward while in a storm is a brave, courageous and faith-based moved. God Bless you as you embrace all that God has for you. I love the scripture in Jeremiah, " For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. This has been my scripture for many years, It is for you too!!!
Be Strong in The Lord!
My dear friend, YOU are a blessing to many of us. Hugs, Marie
Hi, I'm not sure what you've gone thru personally but I would like to add I'm glad to have gotten to know you online here and on facebook and I've enjoyed the kits and books I've purchased from you. I enjoy getting the glimpses of your New England life from time to time on Facebook. Hang in there and GIANT HUGS from California. Liz
As my life has been settling into a more controlled chaos I was checking out my blog list and discovered yours at the bottom because it has been so long since you had posted. I am not writing to encourage you to post but after reading your post just wanted you to know that you are missed and I hope you are living your dreams which are located just on the other side of your fears...
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