Sunday, October 2, 2011

Searching for Home

I've been house hunting for months and with the arrival of Fall I feel my hopes and dreams dissipate. The reality that I will probably remain in this house another Winter brings a feeling of disappointment that is hard to explain.
Once I decided that I would in fact leave my house. I shut down my nesting feeling and tried not to pour my heart into this house so I would be open to love another. Only someone who spends most of their life inside their house would understand this... If you leave your house for ten hours a day, you probably don't get this. If you spend 20 hours a day in one space, you have to love it, or you'll be miserable. Right now, I am miserable.
I want to paint, I want to redo my wallpaper, I want new lamps. I want to call the landscaper... I want to fix my house... but if I fix my house, I will never leave. I know I won't. So I am living in a house that is in disrepair and every day that passes without finding a new house makes me feel more depressed. This is no way to live. This is like putting your life on hold.
You know the old saying, "life is what happens while you are making plans????" My life is going on in this house while I search and search for my next one. I am living in a mess of a house until my house shows up. That just makes no sense to me, and it breaks my spirit.
I have a house to live in but I have no home. I feel that I am in fact "Home"-less.. and Winter will be here soon, and suddenly I feel like I can't breathe.
A house is just a house until you put your heart into it and make it a Home. I have my heart in my hand and I need a place to put it. Who knew my little love shack was so hard to measure up to? I did... maybe that's why I've never tried to move before.

13 comments:

West Michigan Quilter said...

It took me two years to find the perfect house for me. I don't mean to sound preachy, but when I finally let go and let God lead me to the right place, I found it. Your right place will come too. Just be patient. There is some place you are supposed to be and that place just isn't available at this moment. Hang in there and cheer up!

WoolenSails said...

I would concentrate on finding your new place and not worry about what your house looks like. The right home is out there and you will find it and while you wait, you can put away items that you do not use as much. Maybe one room in the house that is just yours, one that you stay in the most, one that you can decorate for the seasons and relax in. I still feel that way in our house, still so much to redo and finish and still a mess, but I just do what I can and see what tomorrow brings;)

Debbie

Gran - Knot-y Embroidery Lady said...

No words of advice - I hear you though. We were looking and looking just like you, even found what was the house, were fairly far along in the bidding contract process and we did not get it. There was no reasonable explanation as we met all the criteria etc. then one day I saw our new home to be and it was bkz the home we were to have was not on the market yet. My DH and I have no doubt about that. While it was painful, yes painful and I hear your pain, we had to wait and be lead to where we were supposed to be with our family. If it can happen for us it can happen for you. Hang in there.

Jenny said...

You'll find it. When you don't expect it. When you blink.

I have my fingers and toes crossed for you.

In the meatime, buy a pumpkin and a Mum and bloom where you're temporarily planted!

Hugs!

trash said...

That is a really sucky feeling. I shall keep my fingers crossed the best house ever turns up soonest.

Whimsey Creations said...

I think there is something about Autumn that makes us want to nest. I know I have been cleaning out and re-arranging alot lately. I'd love to do some things and have some new things but it isn't in the cards right now. I can really empathize with you. Try moving a few things around or putting some away. It's amazing how new it will feel.

Terry said...

I understand what you're going through, but I also believe you have to bloom where you're planted. And right now you're planted in the house you live in. So make the most of it while you wait for your dream house. Maybe you're still in this house because you're supposed to fix it up a bit before you go. Try to pick one thing to fix, and do that, and see what happens. I know patience is hard, but it's also necessary for a good and happy life! :0)

Radka said...

I felt like that about my last house. I brought up my children in it... Since we moved to the house we live in now, I never looked back.
On the day of the move I looked back into the empty house and realised they were just walls, everything I cared about was coming with me :) It will be allright :)

veronica ghernetti said...

Que blog mas hermoso!
Saludos desde la patagonia aregentina

Sheri Howard said...

Well, I hear you and agree with everyone's comments. I do think that if you have to be there one more winter, make the best of it. Paint one room! When people went west in covered wagons to Oregon, some women wall papered the inside of their covered wagon...just to make it a little like home until they got to their new home! You can do that for you, and you deserve a happy room!

Barb said...

Did you see 60 minutes tonight about autism? Using the i pad to communicate?

Controlling My Chaos said...

Now is actually a really good time to be looking for a house because most people aren't looking so the people who are selling are in competition for you. Hang in there and it will happen.

Jenny said...

Hi! I'm thinking of you on this rainy dreary drizzly Sunday morning!

Sending you a hug and a prayer!