Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Back to School

     As some children head out to school for the first time and more and more pictures of them come up on my Facebook wall, I stop and wonder what this milestone must be like for parents of a typical child. 
     I only have one child (God knows what he does, I could not have handled more than that) and my experience, although life changing, was not typical. GP was non verbal, and there was no excitement. There was only dread. There was the thought that while other children his age stayed home and played blissfully, he would be in school struggling to communicate with strangers. He wasn't even potty trained. It was such a sad time. I remember sitting in my car and sobbing uncontrollably after leaving him at school. Then, I remember deciding that I would not leave him, and staying in school with him until I weaned myself off the drop off. It took a long time...
Again, it was a heart wrenching experience. There were no pictures, no smiling faces or Disney lunch boxes. It was such a horrible, horrible time. 
My FB wall has smiling faces, excited children, happy parents and once again I stop and think, "What if???" I will never know. 

7 comments:

WoolenSails said...

I have seen what you do for GP and the time you spend helping him become more independent. You are an amazon woman for all you do at home and in business and I would say you have had many milestones and many joys are GP grows, so I would say, the same as all of us moms;)

Debbie

Darlene said...

I'm at a loss for words. I'm only going to say that you are a wonderful and loving mother.

Please consider yourself ((Hugged))

Jenny said...

I almost understand what you're feeling...

Not quite.

I feel the same question burning in my heart as I think of other peoples children going off to college and having kids, etc.

Instead of those joys I shed tears of worry and fear with the youngest daughter in jail, yet again!

Darn.

I'm really sorry for your heartache, sweet lady.

Me and My Stitches said...

Awww...sending you some hugs, Brenda. We never really can know the what ifs and the whys. I'm sure there is a reason but it's hard to imagine what it could be.

jody said...

Thinking about you!

Shelley said...

ha...love your title for leaving replies....ha
our youngest grandson has just had his diagnosis of high functioning autism, used to be called Aspergers Syndrome...names change all the time...but J is 16 now...and has had many issues...and daughter has been on top of it...EX husband is an ostrich....it's daughters fault, of course...oh well....so I hear you on this...it's 1 day at a time...tears and cheers...

Carrie ~ Cricketwood Prims said...

Thank you for sharing your most personal, maybe most difficult life challenge. I hope it helps you, even though I know it doesn't change the fact! I can not imagine going through this pain every year. I just think you have gained something very important for human nature, empathy! Our most painful experiences are never in vain, even though we all experience different celebrations and sadness, I believe God makes us more like Him, if we let him. I'm so impressed that you are a big life light, even though life isn't perfect!
You are a great Mom and your son is blessed to call you mom. As a mom,I have to bow to you!