Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and take the plunge into oblivion. You cannot procrastinate forever and although you might want to, you have to
"Just Do It!".
I started preparing GP for this transition almost a year ago. I walked him through house after house with me in the hopes that I would see something in him that told me "this is the house", and it never happened. His house is here, where he grew up and where he stores his "precious memories" (yes, that is a direct quote, straight from GP's mouth), and no house will ever measure up. No matter what it has, how big it is or how much I try, this is his house and I cannot change that. It is what it is. It's taken me a long time to "man up" to this, but I am so there. I am too tired to try to believe otherwise. I cannot change this, and I must accept it.
I've delayed calling the movers for weeks. I closed on the house and started packing and moving over bits and pieces of furniture. A table, chairs, baskets.... every single piece was a struggle. A tug of war with GP who will not ease up on my exhausted body and weary soul. It's as if I am shredding his life to pieces and breaking apart his home. It's not just a relocation to him, it's a loss of security and a plunge into the depths of the unknown. To me, it's "room to spread out", "room to grow" and to him it's almost as if the grim reaper has parked himself at our doorstep and he must stave him off. Except the grim reaper is mom and he must fight and argue his point of view until he beats some sense into me. It is EXHAUSTING! I close my eyes and I can almost hear his anger laden voice telling me, "We're NOT moving!" and see him taking the boxes out of the car. UGH! It's a tug of war. Every single day...
How long can I do it? Not much longer.
Yesterday I had the last estimate for the movers and they are coming to pack up what is left and haul it all into the new house. ALL OF IT! Yep, like a bandaid ripped to stop the pulling, I contracted movers to pack us up and just get it over with; in two days. GP was off with Gino and with Sharon helping me (it takes more than one beat up Mom to have a backbone) I did it, I signed on the dotted line and said, "Stick a fork in me, I'm done!"
In two days my house will be swarming with people, paper and boxes, and in complete chaos; but on Wednesday we will be in our new home (piled high with boxes, I'm sure), finally.
There will be tears for my handsome boy and for me, I'm sure. His of sadness, mine of relief... but it will be done. What a hard road I have travelled, and I am not "there" yet.
Baby steps, and lots of movers will help me across the threshold... I am so ready.
Here are some pictures of the new house.
This is the back of the house from the yard. The lower level has a game room that leads onto a mahogany deck. It is surrounded by a lovely little garden and a Koi pond. There are loads of plants coming up in the garden but I can only guess as to what they will be. It's like a gift that cannot be opened. I just have to wait and see what is there.
The upper level is screened porch where I dream of hanging a hammock.
Maybe after the dust has settled I will, but for now it's just a cute little room overlooking the backyard, the pool and the cute cabana which GP has dubbed, "The Clubhouse, for members only!"
The coolest feature of the clubhouse is that it has a little window, like a tiki bar, that lifts up so you can sit at a stool and chat with whomever is inside. You could order a drink, if it weren't completely empty (kind of like most of the house...). I think I will need a few drinks by the time this "clubhouse" is open so I am looking forward to becoming a "member". LOL
I'll share more pictures soon.
Today I am taking the day off and heading away from this half packed mess to clear my mind.
My heart skips a beat when I think of the chaos that awaits us on Monday but I am truly excited that it will be over soon... I can't wait!